There, But For The Grace of God, Go I

I started feeling a little agitated a little while ago. It was a trifle; in the grand scheme of events in my life, a little nothing. I’ve been through so much more turbulence and strife, and truthfully my life is really pretty balanced as a whole right now. Little nothings have been getting to me a lot lately, though. I have felt edgy and off balance, most especially in the last few days. I was reading yesterday about the upcoming Blood Moon and total lunar eclipse due this Friday night. It seems that the moon and its pull really do have more of an effect on us than we realize. According to an article I read in Elephant Journal this is because the moon is the closest astronomical body to us. Moon phases are more powerfully energetic and are considered truly magically momentous. These mystic moments affect us physically, emotionally, and mentally. I am a believer of the moon and its pull on us, so it resonated when I read further about cosmic sensations that can emanate during a full moon total eclipse, and how they are believed to be much more compelling and powerful than other phases. It is expected that the lunar energy we receive during this full moon eclipse will be the most intense of a 100 year time span. I felt immensely and instantly better, having something to pin on this odd cloud hanging over me. I don’t want to say it’s a complete dark cloud – I am not unhappy. But I am a little on edge, and it actually feels better for me to know it is written on the moon. Lunar eclipses are mysterious and can reflect back on us as a stormy sea of emotion; much as the pull of the moon affects the tides and ocean currents. They are not only about negative energy or considered always turbulent. Energy can be both good and bad; it depends on the individual’s place in life; attitude, including one’s personal astrological signs. Eclipse phases also may cause us to want to heal ourselves; to declutter our lives from belongings or situations; even end a relationship, change our career, stop with bad habits or make lifestyle changes including moving to new places. The changes that happen are often things we have been working hard to manifest, and the eclipse helps us along by moving our lives accordingly, as it magnetically pushes and pulls us as it calibrates our energies. I was talking with a friend yesterday and we brought up the subject of this article and feeling edgy. She feels much the same as I. Souls who are more sensitive to energy may feel impatient or anxious, and if something big is about to happen as we wait for the moon phase to complete. The article also goes on to say that now is the perfect time to manifest even the most far-fetched of our dreams. So now is the time, I guess, to ask for that next step in my career, for clarity on where to go with my writing; to make sure I ask for a really good upcoming school year. Nothing too far-fetched for this Full Blood Moon Eclipse.

There is more to my edginess right now than the moon – although it is with some relief that I allow the possibility to be there. I got slightly annoyed with a store I was in. My teachers discount card ran out on 5/31. The cashier informed me that they no longer give the cards in the store and I have to go online to apply. It stumped me. I was very calm. I told her I knew it wasn’t her fault, but that was really not quite right, since I was in the store in person and not using it online. She blinked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I was appalled. At the new policy; the old card last year was given in the store. But more at her reaction; it was an oh-well kind of thing. I did not get angry, and I quietly left with my purchase, but as I drove away I thought, wow. There was no remorse or compassion. As I said earlier; in the grand scheme of things, that really is nothing. And yet it is. It is a long line of tiny little inconveniences that occur every day in our society. It seems more and more that people are unwilling, or unmotivated to be kind or courteous. And worse, it seems that it doesn’t occur to people to always act in the best interest of kindness. As a kind person, this really saddens me. When I got home I retrieved my mail. In there was a coupon from one of this store’s competitors. It said “We (heart) teachers. Teacher Discount 15% off every day!” So. There you go. Karma, maybe? According to Buddhist thinking, karma magnifies. A small action can bring about a big result if it is done with good intention.

Now, the real reason for tamping down my own irritation; karma and a lunar eclipse aside. In the long run, none of that above really matters. I was thinking of my sister and how I wanted to call her and gripe about the incident, but as soon as I thought it I thought, no. Absolutely not. Yesterday and today she has spent by the bedside of her best friend who is in the final stages of life. She holds her hand, tries to comfort the agony in her friends body as it prepares for death. In the grand scheme of life, that trivial moment in my life just does not matter. I am NOT discounting my own life and my own worries; I am not discounting the big and little things that happen. But you know what I really realized as I drove down the road home? I was able to walk out of that store. I was able to be slightly put out. I was driving my own car on my own volition. I was watching the approaching storm and I was thinking on my own. I am anticipating going back to work soon, and worried about all the changes that are going on. I am not lying in a bed unable to do even the smallest of tasks on my own, waiting for death to take me from this life. But, Dear God. Thank you for these things. For my health, my awareness, my life, my breath. Thank you for this moment of mindfulness. I do understand life is fleeting. One day it will be me and those tiny trivial things will absolutely not matter to me.
Life goes on always around us. There is sun and it shines on us somewhere on our planet daily. It is not a guarantee, ever, and most of the time we do not stop to count our blessings and be grateful for those tiny moments. Those little moments add up and create the story of our lives. It is with blessings of joy that birth occurs. What an extraordinary miracle, and we are each filled with ecstasy and astonishment. Having been where my sister is right now, I also recognize that what she is doing is monumentally beautiful. Many people give birth each and every day. Not many people are given the privilege of providing tender final care as their loved ones’ body prepares for death. It is so hard to watch and to wait; it is interminable, and yet it is so fast all at once, and it is also equally as miraculous as birth; human bodies know what to do without any assistance. Life and death are astonishing phenomenon. My heart hurts for my sister; for all of them. I can send my prayers; I can ask my angels to please be with them, but I am powerless to take any of that sadness from their shoulders. This, too, is one of the particulars of life. We cannot walk in anyone else’s shoes, but we can recognize that there, but for the grace of God go I. For today, I can still notice irritations and joys; one day it will be my turn, and none of this will matter again in this lifetime.