Today I was encouraged to begin a new blog. Why not blog about my metaphysical journey? Who better to tell my own story along the path of self-discovery. So – what to call it. That is a decision to make. Here are my first thoughts on the subject:
All of us have a story to tell. Sometimes we think the lives of others are filled more with joy or sorrow; sadness, laughter - prosperity, poverty. Essentially, all of us start out the same way. What is it that makes the difference in our lives? Some would say it was the conditions in which an individual was conceived, how a person was raised. Maybe their parents were alcoholics, ignored them, abused them, shamed them, showered them with loving kindness, wealth; every little need being met, or every basic need ignored. Personally I think it is probably a little of all of that, but I also believe it is our own consciousness, our own awareness, our ability to strive, survive, flourish, thrive or even to fail. Children from wealth fail; children from poverty succeed. Children from abuse can overcome it, and children who were never abused may become abusers. There is not a pattern or a right way to live a life. It seems to me it is about choices. It could be argued that children have no say in being born; some would believe that yes, we do - that is something we chose in a previous life on a previous plane. I am not sure how I feel about that, except that I do comprehend the concept, and I am certainly not about to argue such a topic. Many people believe it is all random, others believe it is God's will, some even say it is all preordained; predestined. Regardless of the truth of any of that, if we can read this and we find ourselves full of wonder, then we are here in this world, on our planet and we are living and breathing. That is really what counts. I personally cannot control what happened to me in a previous life, in the womb, in childhood, and I certainly cannot change anything from my past. My only choice right now is to consider what the future will bring, and what I can do about it in the very next breath.
I've been on a path of self-discovery. I can imagine that I have been on this path since the day I was conceived and born; since I learned to talk, walk, read; since I learned how to make choices, since I became and adult and walked this direction. I firmly believe that each step I took along the way has led me to my here and my now. It would be safe to say, too, that this goes back in my ancestral line as far as it can go. That each breath my ancestors took, each birth, each death, each tear shed or laugh laughed - all that led me to my here and now. It gives me a little pause to consider that this portion of my bloodline stops here with me, but that is also one of the hardships I have had to overcome and learned to endure. God, the Universe, Spirit; Goddess - whatever we label our Divine Maker; he or she had some ultimate purpose in making that choice for me; that of no children to come after me; my life ends when I do, and all who came before me end with me. It's affected my life, regardless. I have been walking this path all of my life, but I have been aware of it more so over the last few years. I can pinpoint a time and a place where my spirit started wondering and questioning, but ultimately each moment has led me to here and now.
My journey into the metaphysical world is my own. My thoughts are my own, my decisions all are as well. I have decided that I'd like to share my thoughts and feelings and my path of discovery starting with today. From time to time I will refer back to events that led me to here, but mostly I want to begin with being in the Now. Quite some time ago I began reading self-help books. I wanted to get to know myself better, to understand my life and to really steer myself in a direction of better awareness and comprehension. It was the time before I began working at Barnes & Noble in the late 1990s. While my husband traveled for work, I would often take some of my free time and settle into one of those old squishy chairs BN provided and I would skim books for hours. One day, on a whim, I thought, you know, I am in here so much, I should apply for a job. I did that very night, went for an interview the next day and was hired on the spot. It was a good interview, and the next part of my life began. Working at Barnes & Noble opened up my eyes to the realm of so many things; self-help ayurvedic medicine, metaphysics, quantum physics, re-incarnation – I was even blessed to be part of the Harry Potter and Twilight craze; how much fun being part of it all. I was like a sponge, and all of it interested me. As years went by my life changed drastically; the sadness of divorce, loss of my mother-in-law, my own mother(s), friends, family members. There was much happiness, too, and I continued my journey forward into the world, trying to know myself better, to learn more in order to understand just a small portion of the world around me. One of the first lessons I learned was about living in the now; living in this moment. It took me some time to figure out what that meant, and it took even more time to realize that I was actually pretty good at it. Living in the now, to me, means living here, now; in this breath. Realizing that regretting the past, regretting things done or not done, roads not traveled or traveled too long; none of that really matters. We can waste precious moments; days, months, years even, worrying about things that cannot be undone or unsaid. When we are in this moment, this very now; that is where the value of life lies. We can enjoy the breath of air that passes over our face, the sunshine on our shoulders, the crash of waves on the beach, the feel of grass or sand under our feet. We can choose to compare it to previous days or moments, or continually remember another time or place when we were with another, smelling a different smell, feeling a different feeling. Memory is good; it helps us to learn valuable lessons, it helps us to know things we would like to be different too. But I believe we can get lost in those memories and before we know it, precious time has passed and what we could be enjoying; this present moment - it has all shifted. The only true time we can be happy is in this moment right here and right now. It is not possible to restore happiness to yesterday, and it cannot be predicted an hour from now. Live in the now. It matters for happiness. Memories are wonderful, but we cannot make new ones if we are not fully aware in the moment we are currently living in. It is a tough concept to explain, but it's a valuable lesson to learn.