It's Never Too Late To Begin Again

In December while on Christmas break I discovered mention of Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. I began the main exercise of that book – an activity called Morning Pages. The idea of morning pages is a catharsis of sorts; to clear one’s brain from the debris that we all have floating around inside of us. As early as possible upon rising for the day the idea is to hand write 3 8 ½ by 11 pages of thoughts. It’s not exactly journaling, and it is written for no audience to read. It is stream-of-consciousness writing and from it patterns in life emerge and we can sort of clear and address any blocks we might have – clearing the way for creativity, but not just as an artist or writer, but in our careers or jobs; our family life; wherever we might be blocked. It is a fabulous exercise. I do find it a challenge to rise an hour earlier to do this exercise, and sometimes I don’t have an opportunity to write until after work, but I feel it is helping me in my life. I feel clearer, more focused. I am able to concentrate and even think about the future through different eyes. It’s interesting that it took me this long to pick up that particular book; it was published in the mid-90’s and as a bookseller from 1998 through 2014 I have seen that book countless times, never taking the time to discover what it was about. It’s made a world of difference to me.

When I saw that Julia had a new book coming out – It’s Never Too Late To Begin Again, and that I could read it through Net Galley in exchange for a fair book review I completely jumped at the chance. Admittedly, when I began reading it and discovered that Julia primarily wrote it for newly retired people I nearly balked at reading it. But then I remembered that The Artist’s Way was not written purely for artists, either, so I continued on. The book is written to help individuals realize that it is never too late to begin life again. Some of us are considering out place in life, contemplating a change in our life style or career, and some of us are in an in-between stage of life; some people are just beginning retirement and are uncertain what life will bring next. Regardless of where we are, I believe this book can help us discover our next desire or course of action.

 I have not finished the book,  and I really don’t want to. It is one of those books that I am just delighting in reading and I truly do not want it to end and be over. I’ve skipped ahead, skipped back, re-read the inspirational quotes, flipped forward again – I keep reading back and forth, but I am not ready to be finished with it.  A few years ago in my first job as a school librarian I worked for a private school. We held our twice annual book fairs at the local Barnes & Noble, and that suited me fine; I worked at that particular store part-time, and book fair weeks were a lot of work, but fun, too; being a bookseller and school librarian during that stage of my life were probably some of the most fulfilling days of my career. Parents were so appreciative of my knowledge and honesty, and steering the children toward “just-right” books was such a pleasure and so satisfying. At the same time, in between visits from the kids (they rode on the bus as a field trip to the store and often parents would meet them there), the parents would wander the store and I could talk books to as many as wanted to. One particular mom had been fighting cancer over that past year. She had two daughters; one was on the verge of “graduating” 8^th grade; the other had graduated the year prior. In our chat at the store she spoke frankly of her illness and her fears of dying from her illness. I don’t know how the conversation drifted, but we began speaking of the afterlife. And from that I told her of a book I had read on the subject which captivated me – Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss. She ended up purchasing it, and a few weeks later she called me and left me a voice mail. When I first heard her voice, my heart beat incredibly fast and lodged in my throat. She said, Kim, I just want you to know I have not finished the book, and I do not want to. I thought – oh, no! Then she went on in a rush of laughter – she loved it, thought it was fabulous and did not want it to end, which is why she was not going to finish it.

That is how I feel about Julia Cameron’s newest book. I don’t want it to end. It is not a book designed to be read in one sitting. It is intentionally set up to be spread out over a twelve week period. There are tasks involved – Morning Pages, Walking, creating a Memoir, an Artist Walk. Each are activities designed for soul searching; for rediscovering ones passions – or even finding them for the first time. I am very new to Julia Cameron and her books, but I am truly enthralled with her writing and her suggestions. I look forward to continuing with this book and never really finishing it. Julia – thank you so much for your gifts to your readers.

I Will Never be a Highly Effective Librarian

In my current position I will never be considered a highly effective educator. I am evaluated by a peer mentor. This mentor observes me in my library setting over the course of about a 30 minute period twice a year. I am observed a few times during the year by school administration. I receive good scores – mostly average, a few exceeds expectations, a few needs improvement (more signage needed; consider letting students do their own check-outs). I can live with that – they are fair and unbiased observations; they are a small snapshot of my “normal” days, but I am okay with that. Those scores are added in to the entire school population reading scores, and I will never be a highly effective educator in the eyes of my school district.

My school ranks in the lowest 300 reading scores in the state. We are a Title 1, Renaissance school. We are given resources that other schools are not, because of these labels. Title 1 means we are given extra state funding to help serve our student population. Renaissance is more extreme. It means that a vast majority (97%) of our students live below poverty level and are eligible for free or reduced lunch. It means us, as educators, receive slightly more pay than those educators at a non-Renaissance/Title 1 school. That does not mean we have sunshine and roses every day. Students often come to us without any basic skills; how to say please or thank you, how to look someone in the eye when speaking; how to greet someone good morning. Anger is their only form of communication; throwing chairs, knocking books off shelves, destroying classrooms. Our students come to us often after rolling out of “bed” in their cars, or a hotel room; a house without running water or electricity; any number of basic needs not being met. School, for them, is a chance for clean air, two meals a day; maybe a little stability. Many of the students do have parents who try their best and just cannot make ends meets. They send their students to this local school and hope that their children can meek out a better life than they have been given.

I don’t teach children to read. I don’t even serve as much of an actual librarian at this school. I don’t have a group of avid readers waiting on the edge of their seats for the next Magic Tree House, Harry Potter, Lightning Thief, or even Wimpy Kid. I have kids who check out books because they are free, and because they can. I have kids who have lost books because they left them in their desk and their 1^st, 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th grade friends stole them because they did not know better. Or they left them at home one day, to never be seen again because their family was evicted and all of their possessions taken as collateral damage. I have had kids check out books but could not bear with parting with a possession so sacred; they could not stand turning it back in. What I can give my students is this. Every single hug they ask for. A smile, each time, no matter how difficult they feel they need to be. I can reassure them, remind them of how to act, how to speak to one another. I can give them so little and just hope that one day they will say, oh, let me smile, or let me hug this person. I remember once someone did that for me and it made a difference in my life. I will never know if I made a difference; I can only hope I can. So, no. In the eyes of my media mentor, my administrators, the county I teach I can never be deemed highly effective and get an annual bonus. I can only hope that despite this fact I can continue to be a smiling, positive presence in the eyes of children who don’t care if the school district calls me highly effective. They just know that I care about them and hug them, and that I am a librarian with heart.