Life Lessons and Aging

Age. It’s on my mind. I believe that no matter our physical age, the time to live, the time to shine is now. My friend and I had a discussion a few weeks ago. She believes at 17, THAT was her time; she owned her home city and she was the vibrancy of the future. She believes now, at 55 that it is her children’s time to shine – and that she should step aside and give way to their right to do so. Not her exact words, but that was the implication.

I can’t I just can’t. I believe that if we are alive today it is our time to live, to shine – to create, to learn, to grow; to LIVE. Once we are gone from this world – whatever our beliefs are on the subject, we are just gone, and it is too late to live the life we are meant to live. We must do it; live; while we are here, regardless of age or circumstance. We have but one life to live in this here and now. I remember the quote attributed to Nathan Hale, Revolutionary war spy: “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country”. It speaks volumes, and always made a huge impact on me. I don’t regret anything – life is as it supposed to be – and I have but one life to live.

We can learn from each other, youth and my generation; each and every generation, regardless of who we are, where we live, what we know now. It is the way it has been throughout history.

The stories around Paleolithic campfires were a way of sharing knowledge from the old to the young. The young heeded warnings, advice, tips, tricks, or they did not live long enough to tell their own stories around campfires in the future. There is so much wisdom in older generations.

As a youth myself I remember looking forward to the stories my ancestors would tell; of their childhood, of growing up, what it was like. I loved reading books about the early years of famous historical figures just to see what their lives were like when they were my age. I never believed I was better than anyone because I was younger – and I certainly did not look at those younger (or older) than myself and think, oh they know nothing and do not count. As a young adult I became even more entranced by the stories of those older than me. The man whose family owned the acreage behind my property had such fascinating tales of his youth back in the 1920s Florida; the Florida of wild, unsettled, unfenced, un-touristy days. Days when cattle could wander wherever their hooves took them, and they were gathered by cowboys, and driven back to market or to the homesteads. My father-in-law lived here in Florida for many long years, and his wisdom was originally derived from Macon, Georgia, plus his time spent in Greenland during World War 2. From both older Florida gentlemen, I learned the best way to cook chicken over an oak fire – the secret is vinegar and butter, and the charcoal must be gathered from oak trees that have fallen and aged to dried perfection. They should not be too dry or too wet, and should be a mixture of both, which takes time and patience. They taught me how to pull peanuts from the ground, shake off the sand, then strip them from their bush; how to soak them clean, and then to boil them with a ton of salt. After my father-in-law died, Felton would bring me vegetables and tell me the southern preferred way of fixing “a mess” of them. I believe in these shared lessons, in these shared experiences; I am a central New Yorker from hearty European (and Native American) stock; our methods of doing things is so vastly different. We don’t have to create the wheel each time; we can learn and grow and build from the knowledge of others. So no. I don’t believe it is just one generations time to shine, to live, to take over. I believe with all my heart as long as we are here, alive, right now – now IS our time to shine.

At 57 I will not be stepping aside for anyone to take over my life and my world. I still have my own living to do, my own mark to make. We all do. Each day is a gift, a blessing, a day to be treasured. I still have a lot to experience, and a lot of lessons to learn.

Book Review - The Widow of Pale Harbor

Hester Fox has such a unique writing style - The Widow of Pale Hollow is the second of her titles I have read. This one is a classic take on the theme "It was a dark, stormy night", because her stories are filled with dark, stormy nights. This is the story of Gabriel Stone, recently relocated to Pale Harbor to begin a transcendental church in his late wife's honor. Gabriel arrives on a dark, stormy night, and in the neglected church where he is to preach, he stumbles on a grisly find in the nave of the church. He is warned to stay away from Sophronia Carver (what a great name!) by all the townsfolk; she is reported to be a spell-casting murderess who got away with killing her husband.

Gabriel begins visiting town-folk; as the new minister he knows it is his duty. All have the same terrible warning; stay away from the Widow Carver. As fiction deems, he accidentally does meet Sophronia, and they are immediately attracted to each other. Things are not always as they seem, however; the town and Helen, Sophronia's housekeeper, are vying to keep the couple apart.

Sophronia is the editor of her late husband's magazine, and she has been receiving disturbing requests for publication, along with even more sinister and disturbing messages references to Edgar Allen Poe's stories. Together, Sophronia and Gabriel try to solve the mystery of the Pale Harbor evils, while at the same time remaining enamored with each other and trying to keep their growing bonds secret.

I thoroughly enjoyed the development of all of the characters in this book, from the spoiled, rich, one-dimensional people of the town, to the deeply dark character of Helen, and the depth of Sophronia and Gabriel both. It's a haunting, dark story centered around some completely horrific clues, hints of witchcraft and magic, along with the bitterness that can ruin a life. I found it to be old-fashioned enough in tone yet written on a level I could appreciate. I look forward to reading more stories by Hester Fox!

The Blessing of Life, and Friendships

Colorado Springs

I’ve been blessed in my life to have friends and friendships. There was a time when I let friends drift from my life; I considered my husband my best friend and all I needed, so I never really felt deprived. He was there always, for many years; a shoulder, a listening ear, consolation. He was like no other friend I’d had. He truly listened, and he could calm me like any lighthouse in a storm could. He was strong and kind, considerate; he was my rock, before that became a cheesy phrase. Until he was not all those things, and then I realized just how isolated I had made my life. Fortunately, about a year before his departure I met Edel through a chance walk, and she has remained my beacon in a stormy sea. She is there when I need an ear, a shoulder; she is my voice of reason, and she grounds me when it feels as though the seas surrounding me will swallow me whole. Our lives are vastly different now from when we met, but her presence in my life is a steady constant that I depend upon. Through her I have continued to grow a circle of friends, and they are each one vital to my life.

Honoring Wanda, Casey Key

There is a line from the movie, St. Elmo’s Fire that has always made an impression on me; “I don’t remember who met, or who fell in love with who first”. The gist of that is what matters to me – it doesn’t matter who we meet, how long we’ve been friends, it just works and something inside clicks. It’s the right moment for that kind of friendship; the person meant to be in our lives as the universal lines of life intersect at that exact moment.

Wanda and I

My friends, Dawn and Wanda; I met their mother, Loretta, first. Loretta came to my shop one day for ceramics. She had seen my roadside sign and stopped in; it turns out she lives just down the road. That was a long time ago; close to 20 years. That sign, before the county made me remove it, brought so much joy and friendship to me; I am not sure I could ever begin to list them all or touch on how much that means. Having my little ceramic shop added such joy to the fabric of my life. One day during ceramics class Loretta said, “you need to meet my daughters; I know you will be friends”, and she was right. Dawn is still on the fringes of my life; our courses have strayed over the years, but I still smile when I see her, and I love being around her. Wanda was a beacon of light and goodness, and we spent years’ worth of time at the beach, here at my house doing ceramics or eating, drinking, talking, laughing, crying. She was never perfect, could be very quiet and people just assumed a passivity about her, unless you knew her. Her face glowed from within, and her smile could light up a room.

Through Wanda I met Tammy,

Tammy, Wanda, Me, Casey Key

which expanded to Maryann and all the friends we share, on toward Kathleen, who is one of the most dear people in my life. Eventually we met Kitty, and on and on; the list has just snowballed as life rolls forward, so many door openings for friends, acquaintances, experiences. It is the direction my life was meant to go. But, eleven years ago we lost Wanda one hot, humid day in mid-July. The bonds of friendship can tighten when something so unthinkable happens. She was young, beautiful, in the prime of life; just past her 37th birthday and she died from a blood clot that no one even suspected she had. Together we stood in front of her family and friends, and we delivered her eulogy; the joys and sorrows of her life, and we wept. It did not matter at that time who met who first; what mattered is that we all had been touched by her life.

Our Wanda Angel, captured by Julian

Friendships are on my mind today, however, because of Wanda and Dawn; Loretta. Loretta’s husband is one of the men in my life I adore. Jules, JuJu – Julian. Before Wanda’s death we attended Loretta and Julian’s 40th anniversary party. There are so many memories stored away since that party; parties here at my house, meeting for dinner, attending showers, funerals, gatherings; just a few days before I left this summer, I took a picture of them sitting at my dining room table. I truly love them. The year after Wanda’s death, 17 of us traveled to Colorado Springs to honor Wanda’s life and to scatter her ashes in the land of her birth. Loretta and Julian have gone each year since, except this one, to visit where we honored her. It’s heartbreaking; her death began a new life for them, and although they’ve steadily fought age, it is still seeking them. Julian has battled cancer and other ailments over the years. His body has been poked and prodded, cut on, treated, and so on. His mind stays sharp, even if his body is not. He made me laugh the last time I saw him, and I thought, after all he has been through, he still is Julian. The other day Julian had a stroke, and it remains that he needs open heart surgery. I’ve not yet been to see him. I don’t know what to expect, I just know friendships and how our lives are all so intricately intertwined are all on my mind today. Life and love, friendships – they are all such blessings. They can be painful at times, but the living is so very worth the sadness and pain.

Loretta and Julian

Sister Hazel, Janus Landing

One night at my house

Hanging out at Kitty's

Book Review - Midnight at the Blackbird Cafe by Heather Webber

What an enchanting book! I must admit, I was awarded an ARC from the publisher, but it came after I left for a month's vacation. I hated missing out on reading it so much I purchased it from Amazon, and I am so glad I did!

Reminiscent of a tale told by Sarah Addison Allen, but somehow softer and sweeter, this book is magical realism and women's fiction at its best. The story of a decades old mystery and death, it explores the lines between family, forgiveness, friendship, enchantment, and food.

Anna Kate is new in town, although her family roots reach far back. Her grandmother, Zee, left Anna Kate the Blackbird Cafe in her will, with the stipulation that Anna Kate live in the sleepy town of Wicklow for two months before she can sell the cafe. Anna Kate promised her mother, Eden, that she would attend medical school, so her plan it to grant her mother's dying wish while at the same time meeting the terms of her mother's will. Nothing ever goes to plan, however, and Anna Kate finds herself charmed with the local population, but anxious to stay away from blood relatives her mother warned her of.

Full of blackberry tea, magical pie, a mysterious cat and four and twenty blackbirds, the story of Wicklow charms the soul. The characters are well rounded and likeable, even Anna Kate's prickly paternal grandmother, Seely. Reading this book was a balm I did not know I needed, and I thoroughly enjoyed each and every page.

What a beautiful excerpt: "While on earth, it’s the job of us guardians to tend to the trees, nurture them, and gather their love to bake into pies to serve those who mourn, those left behind. You see, the bonds of love are only strengthened when someone leaves this earth, not diminished. Some have trouble understanding that, so it’s the pie that determines who’s in need of a message, a reminding, if you will; it’s the love in the pie that connects the two worlds; and it’s a tree keeper who delivers the message."

Book Review - Seed Savers, Book 4; Keeper

The fourth installment of the Seed Saver series by Sandra Smith begins with Lily, Arturo, and James hiding out in a Pacific Islander camp in the mountains of North Carolina. The world is safe and protected, but James knows that he cannot stay in hiding for long. Eventually the team relocates to the city of Portland, Oregon and rejoins the Seed Saver revolution. In the meantime, Clare and Dante are finishing their Seed Saver training in Canada, but discover they cannot safely go home to their mother. Eventually they are spirited away and reunited with Lily in Oregon.

As the story progresses, so does the action in the story. Rose has been recruited to be a member trained by the GRIM, and her adoptive guardians follow Trinia out west; tensions escalate, along with political unrest; an unknown source has begun leaking political information from the past creating more dissension for all factions. Between the Seed Saver movement, the mysterious Jalil, GRIM, and the political unrest chaos is beginning to seem eminent. It is this 4th novel in the series in which the tone becomes increasingly more dystopian, although less violently so than the Divergent or Hunger Games series. Where will it all lead?

Eerily reflective of so many things in our current society, this series can create great discussions for students; about political control, cover-up of harmful information, and about political unrest, the topic of food preservation, or even as basic as how seeds can be genetically modified in the name of good health and profit.

Book Review - Seed Savers: Unbroken, Book 5

I am admittedly sad to see the series end. I am not a huge fan of reading series books, one after the other, but I found myself wanting to do that with this series. Originally written for children, author Sandra Smith upped the level of interest throughout the series to include a bit of teen interest - intertwined romantic twists, teen rebellion against parental authority, rebellion against political concerns about the wrongs being waged in society. I would consider the books age level appropriate for upper middle-grade through young adult.

The topic is truly relevant in the world today; whether one believes in global warming or not, or whether one believes in the slow acquisition of food sources, and genetic modification of American food by corporate giants or not, these are concerning topics in our world. Sandra Smith's series offers an easy to read "what-if" scenario that takes place in the not to distant future about these very real societal concerns. What if a corporation decided to slowly take over all food production including the very source of food; including harmful pesticides to control unwanted pests and these leeched into the food we grow and eat? What if the government knew about the dangers, yet turned a blind eye for financial gain and better control of the people? What if people were not able to make informed choices about the food they put in their bodies? What if we could not grow our own vegetables, herbs - raise our own meat source? These are things we take for granted every day, and we still count on our government to keep us safe in our choices.

Fictionalized with just enough truth to make the reader question "what-if", this is an eye-opening series, and as a school librarian, I will be sure to promote these books with my peers and get them in the hands of students; children who will one day be affected by some of these very timely topics.

Book Review - Seed Savers, Book 3 Heirloom

In this third installment of the Seed Savers series by Sandra Smith, the action amps up a bit. Clare and Dante are safely installed in Canada after their harrowing adventure north on their bicycles. They are intent on learning all they can about gardening and growing their own food.

Lily is on the run - south, to see if she can discover the truth of her father and his incarceration for being the leader of the Seed Saver movement. On a personal note - it was fun reading about Lily's adventures in Plant City, Florida - where I currently reside. Plant City, today, is a hugely agricultural setting, and the juxtaposition of Lily's world and this current world do not go unnoticed. It is easy to see that a conglomerate can easily gain a monopoly on the world of seeds and hybrid plants. Before he died in 1990, my father-in-law was a local farmer, and he complained heartily about having to purchase new seeds each year; try as he might many seeds he tried to nurture and save did not make it to the next planting season. It is all over the news, too, about Monsanto and their pesticide products; this fictional YA series is so timely and so frightening all at once.

Lily's adventures become more harrowing as she discovers that she is being followed. The characters in this book are "growing up" and their positions become more aligned with middle grade to young adult readers. The topic is so current and fresh, and interesting. Anyone who is interested in the environment and the future of our food supply will surely get an education and a what-if theory from reading these books. I am looking forward to finishing the series!

Dancing in heaven

Dancing in Heaven

I walked outside just now,
   greeted by a symphony of frog song and crickets
   --the chorus singing with all their might.
A brown rabbit, tiny and bright-eyed
   startled by my presence,
   hopped a few feet, froze in place.
Dragonflies danced over the dewey grass,
   and bats ventured out into the
   not yet darkened sky
   --flitting, diving, swooping
   adding their own steps to
   the choreography of the evening.
Golden pink clouds, purple at the bottom
   hang high in the sky,
   not ready to give up their
   moment of glory
   as the blanket of night slowly settles.
And I felt tears rise in my eyes;
it's too beautiful of an evening
for you to be gone.
Do the dragonflies dance
for you in heaven?

     

Book Review - Lily by Sandra Smith

This is dystopian series written for children. In dystopian novels the future has arrived in chilling details, and this second book in the seed saver series is no exception.

Lily's friends Claire and Dante have left town, after their mother was arrested for keeping illegal seeds and plants. Lily moves around town discretely watching and tending the seeds she has sown. Rose becomes a presence in her life, and Lily's feelings of Rose vary between hesitant and trusting. Lily's mother quietly watches in the background, and Lily does not feel she can trust her with the enormity of the secrets she holds inside; of Clare and Dante, their friendship with Ana and the truth about her part in growing plants illegally. We learn more about the Seed Saver's underground society and how a dark cloud of GRIM that stands over their community.

Set in the not-so-distant future, Seed Savers is a series of books for children that explores the possibility of what we, as a society face, as large corporations control more and more of our food supply and the use of GMO products. As a children's librarian, I can see the value of this interesting and relative topic. If a child picks up one of these books and says, hey, I understand this concept, that is one step closer to knowledge that can help these events from becoming more widespread in the future.

Book Review - Shot Through the Hearth by Kate Carlisle

Shannon Hale is back in action with one of the largest jobs she's had to date. Newly local Rafe (Raphael Nash, retired Tech billionaire and fiances to Shannon's friend Marigold) has asked Shannon and her crew to restore the Victorian house he recently acquired as a home for he and Marigold. In addition to the restoration, Rafe has asked that a new barn be built, the old barn repaired, land be cleared and a new eco-greenhouse be built in time for a survival conference he plans to host the next year. Shannon agrees and restoration and construction go as planned, without incident. Until the actual conference, when during the barn raising, a dead body is discovered under the framing of one of the barn sides.

Dead bodies find Shannon, and this Fixer-Upper mystery number 7 is no exception. Shannon, along with her friends and boyfriend, Mac, become entrenched in solving this who-dunnit. Shannon's character is tough and feisty; she's a woman who owns and runs her own construction business, so there is much to be admired. Just light enough, just mysterious enough, these cozy mysteries are fun and light-hearted enough to not be taken too seriously, yet keep the reader coming back for more. This is a fun way to while away a rainy afternoon, or would work well as a beach read. I was glad for the chance to read this in advance of publication.

Book Review - The Book Charmer by Karen Hawkins

This book left a good taste in my mouth. The tone was a bit like Sarah Addison Allen's magical/fantasy realism, and this genre captivates me.

Sarah Dove, the town librarian, has a special bond with the books in her care; they speak to her, and have since she was a child. Sarah and her sisters were born with special gifts, and although five of her sisters have left town to live elsewhere, Sarah and her sister Ava have stayed. This is the story of a small, sleepy southern town on the verge of losing it's solvency. Along comes Grace Wheeler, her young niece and elderly adopted mother, Mama G, in tow. Grace is willing to settle temporarily in Mama G's hometown to give her special mother a secure setting for advancing Alzheimer health problems, but she has no intention of staying. The books speak to Sarah that Grace is the answer to the town's problems, so Sarah is determined to befriend Grace and entice her to stay.

The Book Charmer is a book about what family and friendships are, and how things are not always as they appear on the surface.  It is also about living in a  tight knit community and how sometimes it is a curse, but more often, it is a blessing. I am pleased to have been given an opportunity to read this book in advance, this book did not disappoint. Sometimes what we need in life to help us is the exact opposite of what we imagined it would be.

Strength

As a single woman I somehow have instilled in myself the belief that I have to “go it” alone, and to ask for help is a sign of weakness; a weakness I will not allow in myself. It’s ok for others to ask for and receive help, but as for me; I think I have to be Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name and Wonder Woman all wrapped in one feminine package.

I wasn’t always that way. I fell in love with my husband at 18, and I was in an equal partnership for over 20 years. It was ok to lean on him, and he on me, and together we were one, and a pillar of strength; until we weren’t anymore. Being struck down, weakened by shock and the sudden, unforeseen loss of our life together; of facing the truth that I was not as strong or dependently independent anymore; that took a huge toll. I remember the exact moment of consciously deciding that I had two choices; to sit on the couch and cry for the rest of my life, or to get up and get moving; to take some action. I chose action. That does not mean I did not cry – I did, mostly in private, with a few select friends for a long, long time. But I began, in those moments to craft my persona of strength, and I learned to walk my walk. Day after day I shed some tears but swallowed a few more of them. My spine straightened, I moved forward, carving a new life, creating new happiness, and eventually that new life far out measured the old. Now and then I feel twinges of the loss. There are moments when fleeting thoughts cross my mind; I miss you. I miss our life. I miss the Us we were. I miss your laughter, your voice; your touch. But it lasts just a moment and I feel gratitude for what that loss brought to me; a newer, more vibrant life. Alone. Strong.

The strength of my own two legs.

And that strength that I learned to curate became part of the definition of me. That strength means financial responsibility.  Finances have been a huge struggle and continue to be such. I’ve been proud to say that I’ve never missed or been late on a mortgage payment – for a house we built together and was built with his salary in mind (at the time, five times the amount I made) and not mine. I’ve been proud to purchase and pay for my own cars over the years, establish my own good standing credit score earned all on my own. I still do not make anywhere close to what he made when we built our house, but I have worked hard to earn every penny I make, and those pennies have all gone into the house I was “given” (he signed his half of the just built house over to me, along with the mortgage and all of the bills we had consolidated into the mortgage – so it was a “gift” with a price – along with the brand new car he “gave” me, which I paid for). My neighbor once commented that I was a lucky woman; I had been given a house and new car, and I should be so grateful and so happy at my husband’s kindness in taking care of me; proof that he loved me. I came unglued and I set my neighbor straight that day; he apologized and said that was not what he had been told. From that day on he treated me with kindness and respect; which was a good outcome.  The price I paid taught me life lessons through pride, strength; chutzpah. I paid, over the years, by saying no to many fun outings with friends because of finances. Conversely, I  have also been blessed with friends who happily, willingly paid my portion at times; it was hard to accept these gifts, but somehow with friends it was easier to accept – and I am eternally grateful for their gifts and for their friendship, and for the experiences given to me.

Where this gained financial strength is a blessing, it is also a curse in some ways. It has made me leery of trusting in my current relationship. A man who wants to pay my way everywhere we go; he is considerate and always kind to me, but I am hesitant, and I know these are my past experiences shadowing my ability to receive gracefully. That knowledge does not make it easier to accept, however. It is so hard for me to say yes; to allow him to buy a plane ticket, pay for my meal, to buy me gifts, even. This is where I become The Man With No Name. My independence and self-sufficiency are vital, and I am fiercely protective of both. He wants to help me care for myself financially, but my strength and pride say no, thank you; it sounds divine and like an easy solution. But it is terrifying, too, and the Clint Eastwood/Wonder Woman side of me say no – I do not want to depend on anyone but myself again; pulling myself up off that couch so long ago took every bit of strength I had at that moment and I don’t want to find myself there again.

This bid to be strong is not entirely a virtue. I’ve read a lot of evidence that our insistence on strength can sometimes cause it to manifest in our body in other ways such as disease or illness. I have long prided myself in my strength, my ability to hold it together despite life’s idiosyncrasies. Yet in December I was given a bit of a wake-up call. I suffered with chest pains that lasted into the night. As the morning dawned it occurred to me that I might be in trouble, so I drove myself to the hospital. It was not my heart, but I was diagnosed with GERD, which is a disease whose prime cause comes from stress. Stress is a reaction to life; we internalize fears and weaknesses and they manifest themselves in turn, weakening the body. It was not easy to seek help in December. Even as I sat in that emergency room, scared, hooked up to monitors, not sure what was happening, I found myself thinking, no; I cannot be sick, I will not allow it. Other people can be sick, but not me – I am stronger than that. I willed my body, my mind, my soul to be better, to not fail me. I was very fortunate that God, my angels – my body listened and rallied for me. Since that scare I have made lifestyle changes including diet, rest, and above all, offloading a few of my fears. Today I am 26 pounds lighter. I have continued my daily meditation practice. I practice gratitude for everything life has given me, both good and bad; for giving me the family I have, the friends, for giving me love and taking it from me, and for letting it find me again. Being strong in life is important. But being the Man With No Name worked out pretty poorly for Clint Eastwood’s character, and it really doesn’t always work for me. It’s ok to let others help now and then. I’ve pretty much proved I’m a badass; it’s time to just be a normal woman living life the best way I can now.

Strength in Nature - Ausable Chasm, NY

Book Review - Love-Lines by Sheri Langer

Fordham's life is rolling along just fine, until her friend and co-worker Margo suddenly leaves town, and Margo's job as editor of an upcoming book is added to Fordham's work load. Fordham lives with her mother and young daughter outside New York City. Suddenly Fordham's life becomes a series of complicated events; a past love reappears, a new principal at her daughter's school, her best friend is about to become a grandmother, and Fordham doubts her own ability to keep pace with all the changes in her life.

This is a quirky read full of humor and references to classic rock songs and romantic comedy movies like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. This is a romantic comedy story that will make readers smile.

Cognitive Thinking in the Library

I created some simple stations in my library over the last few weeks. I added a Lego wall to help children discover and imagine. I added a stack of magazines with notepaper next to them to invite kids to explore and learn three new facts. I allow students to sign into the computer on site called Code.org, to encourage inventiveness through simple computer commands and programming. I added a simple jigsaw puzzle to foster hand eye coordination and to help fire the children’s cerebellum, which is responsible for shaping human movement.

When children are denied the most basic of needs in life; that of food, safety and shelter a child will fail to thrive. These basic needs have been recognized and addressed throughout history, many times over. Other needs to be met causing children to thrive (or not) are stability, emotional support, consistency, structure, and above all, love.

My students have been so excited for these new stimulations here in the library. They want to play with Legos, search through the magazines, explore MineCraft, and the puzzle is drawing them all day long. Yet, it’s been breaking my heart at the same time. Their Lego exploration has involved rifling through the pieces and taking out the little people and putting them over and over again onto the wall. They are not creating new buildings or inventions, but they are fascinated by the characters and pieces already built. They want to tear the free cards out of the magazines and look at the pictures, but the fact writing is not appealing to them. Mine Craft is a game they love to play at home, but using the simple code and building features provided in Code.org to create a game of their own has them frustrated and stumped. The jigsaw puzzle is the most heart-breaking of all. The concept of matching pieces based on shape and color has them baffled. They take the pieces that are already together and try to fit them into other pieces; the concept of color matching is just not familiar to them. Their patience levels are inherently low. I do recognize it’s all new, and it takes time…Rome wasn’t built in a day, so to speak. Still…. I recognize their unfamiliarity with these activities and I know my recognition goes deeper than their lack of patience and ability. It’s about the basic things they’ve gone without, and how deep that goes; how that contributes to their academics as well. They are children who can and will learn. The expectations and comparisons surrounding them pair them with children all over the country who have far different advantages.

I am not giving up on these ideas. I do need a different approach to them; more clear directions, less of a free-for-all; more guidance. They cannot be expected to explore if they have never been allowed to do so without constraint. The experiment has been a success, if only to guide me to look for new ways to keep these stations going and to continually encourage the students to stimulate their brains and work on hand-eye coordination. The student’s enthusiasm is wonderful to see; I just need to find a way to help them keep that enthusiasm and not dismiss these fun activities as mundane or too difficult.

At the same time, my heart feels the hurt of these little lives, with their basic needs as human beings not being met advantageously so far  in their short lives. A lack of real play, a lack of simple things denied to them that are causing in them this lack of desire to play, or even the knowledge they can master the smallest of tasks. It’s a huge job, this educational undertaking. To be an educator today in this world we already know is difficult. To be an educator in a school, one of the lowest of over 130 in this district is even more difficult. To educate kids who have not been given a chance to thrive, but are to be expected to academically proficient according to every other child in the state; that is the challenge on hand today. This simple experiment in my library has been discouraging, and I understand why so many have given up. At some point it becomes about self-care. This is a heavy weight to bear.

Book review - Treasure; Seed Savers #1 by Sandra Smith

I am finding this series enthralling. As a child this is something that would have appealed to me. As adults reading children's books we tend to forget the lure of adventure seen through a child's eyes.

Treasure; Seed Savers series #1; is a dystopian novel set in America in the not-too-distant future; mid-to-late 21st century (references to historical events within the story have led me to this conclusion). Food comes in pre-packaged forms. It arrives at Stores by Delivery Truck, and is referred to as Protein, Sweeties, Vitees, Carbos, and Snacks. The majority of people do not have refrigerator's because their food is GMO produced and full of preservatives; no need to worry about shelf life. "The old way of growing, selling, and preserving food was inefficient and cumbersome...It wasn't economical, practical, or safe." GRIM (Green Resource Investigation Machine) is a government agency which keeps track of subversive elements working against official food policy's. These subversive groups are made up of anarchists, environmentalists, and seed savers.

Clare first hears of "seeds" in church, and soon she, her brother Dante, and best friend Lily are being tutored by Ana, an elderly seed saver. Seed Savers are an underground group dedicated to saving and preserving non-GMO seeds for food growth. At first Clare is captivated by the adventure and mystery of something so unusual as food that does not come from round or square pre-packaged containers, but she quickly decides that seed saving is worth the risk. Then her mother is jailed and Clare and her brother run away, rather than reveling the true identity of their friend Ana. Clare and Dante travel by night, trying to stay out of sight from their pursuer, a man from GRIM. Along the way they learn how to seek out other Seed Saver's, as well as facing hunger, rain, and a harrowing escape within city limits. There is safety to be found north, in Canada. Will Clare and Dante make it across the border on their own?

This book is so appealing in all aspects for a child. As an adult reading it we might question the choices Clare, Dante, and Lily make, but a child will see the adventure and understand the children's quest. A cautionary tale, too; this is the story of what could easily be on the road to happening here in America. I will be purchasing this for my school library - thank you to author Sandra Smith for the advance copy!

Book Review - The Scent Keeper by Erica Bauermeister

As I turned the last page I thought - oh! I was not ready for this story to end. This is the story of Emmeline and her extraordinary gift of scent. From her first memories, she lives with her father on an island like a castle; surrounded by water and sharp sided cliffs that descend only to the ocean. From time to time she and her father venture to the island's lagoon, and the crashing waves outside the barrier rocks scare her. Her father teaches her to forage for or grow all of their food; berries, mosses, crabs from the lagoon, seaweed, mushrooms, and even pine for tea. Now and then magic black plastic boxes wash up into the lagoon - shoes that magically feet her feet, a rain coat, other small treasures; once a goat Emmeline names Cleo appears and becomes her first best-friend.

Emmeline's father, John, spins fairy tales from an old treasured book as well as his imagination, and he created a magic wall of drawers, each containing a wax sealed bottle, each with a small white paper curled inside. Now and then her father opens one of the bottles and Emmeline recaptures a moment from their past through the scent released. Emmeline is a unique individual. From her father she inherits her love and knowledge of nature and scent as well as the gift of an enchanted childhood. In her life after the island she learns love, trust, hard work and loyalty from Henry, Collette, and Fisher. In her late teens she finds even more about herself and the person she wants - and does not want - to be. This is the story of magic, mystery, love, loss and coming-of-age. It is beautifully written, as I have always found to be true of Erica Bauermeister's writing. My only complaint is that I wanted more; I want to know what becomes of Emmeline in the next portion of her life!

Book Review - The Seven or Eight Deaths of Stella Fortuna by Juliet Grames

This is the story of Mariastella Fortuna, the second. The original Stella died when she was just a toddler andwhen her father, who had emigrated to America, came back for a visit bringing unidentified (probable Flu) germs with him. Stella the second experiences odd brushes with death, despite her mother's best efforts to ward off the evil. The family lives in rural Calabria, in southern Italy, and eventually Antonio Fortuna demands his wife and children emigrate to America. Life is hard for the Fortuna's in Italy, as Antonio does not send money home. Life in America is harder as well as unfamiliar, though, and all of the family members pitch in, moved along with Stella's forward thinking, to make enough money to buy the family a home. Stella swears she will never marry or be at the mercy of any man, but her father changes the course of the life Stella wants for herself.

Stella and her sister Tina are close in age, and close in everything they do. Eventually after many years, the unthinkable happens and the sisters have a "blood" feud which causes them to become enemies. Their lives are so entwined that their family members can spend time with just one of them at a time. The story spans close to 100 years, and a lot of history and a lot of events happen that lead up to the events in their lives - they are 95 and 96 years old when the story opens; the feud has been going on for 30 years.

It is not a pretty story of redemption, la dolce vita in the Italian hillsides, or in Connecticut where the family settles after Tony's summons. It is a messy tale, not easy to read of both physical and mental abuse as well as incest. Yet there is so much truth in families with hidden jealousies, thoughts, dashed hopes and dreams; things taken for granted that are not necessary best we have to offer. It is the story of great beauty that fades, of small moments that can affect an entire life in good and bad ways. It is the story of Italian Immigrant lives, hardship, and joys. It left me feeling sad for those small moments wasted that cannot ever be made up. It's a book that makes one think, and consider, and maybe appreciate a little more some of life's better moments.

I was given the book from Net Galley in exchange for a review. I am glad I read it and can review it, but it is not a tale that is easily read, and it will not leave the reader wishing for more. It is a tale of truth and of life and of death.

Book Review - Chronicles of a Radical Hag

I love every word Lorna Landvik writes. I won a free copy of this book in exchange for a review from Bookish First. I waited (im)patiently for them to send me an electronic copy, only to receive an actual hardcover version in the mail this week. I read it in two days, and absolutely did not want it to end!

This is the story of life in a small town in Minnesota. Beloved octogenarian Haze Evans has been writing a column in the local newspaper, the Granite Creek Gazette, for 50 years. When Haze suffers a massive stroke and falls into a coma at the age of 81 (in 2016), publisher Susan McGrath decides to temporarily republish Haze's plethora of past columns, along with reader responses, which Haze kept in files in her office. The stories of the townsfolk are told alongside Haze's story, including Susan's own story of separation from her husband, and growing discord with her youngest son, 14 year old Sam. Young Sam is employed over the summer to help sort through the column's and past reader responses. At first resentful and angry, Sam grows to learn more of himself, more about the town, Haze, and his family's legacy newspaper through his job.

Landvik's quirky, fun, sometimes curmudgeonly characters are fully brought to life with her magical words and vivid descriptions of Minnesota, but most especially what it is like to live in a closely knit small town. Haze's words about all matter of subjects throughout her 50 years of columns remind us of snippets of history and human responses to life and living. She reflects on simple things like recipes, having a dog, decorum and manners, as well as other more important events; the loss of lives in World War II, the radical 60's, the fun 70's, and into tragic, sad and important events throughout the last 5 decades. Reader responses were not always kind, but Haze kept them all. Young Sam is the glue that brings Haze words back to life, and unites the people of the town, both young and old, into an even stronger community. Throughout the summer Sam continues his job alongside his mother, and when the school year begins, he brings Haze's words and stories to his high school. With the help of his English teacher, they form a special class called "Radical Hag Wednesday's" which in turn helps Sam and his friends and family grow and learn more about themselves and the world.

This is such a beautifully written story of life, love, loss, and discovery; it shows that all of us have a story hidden inside of us, and things are never quite what they seem on the surface. I am so glad to have been given a chance to read and review this book. I am inspired to go back and re-read the Lorna Landvik books I have previously read (all of them) and re-experience her words again and again. This book is due to be published March 26, and I can hardly wait for the next one to be written!

Book Review - Moonglow by Michael Chabon

My book group read this book for our last selection. Many of the readers did not finish it, so the discussion was scant, but I found it intriguing, and so did the members who did finish it.

Michael Chabon is an interesting author. His first book published was that of his thesis in grad school; his professor sent it off for publication and still, Chabon was uncertain if he'd made the grade with his thesis. His writing style and subject matter are varied. I first heard of him years ago when he wrote a middle grade book for a younger audience.

In Moonglow, Chabon taps a truly interesting topic; the progress toward space travel and the race to put man on the moon. It is a back and forth story told in the past, on up to the present, of a young man telling his grandfather's story. It swings like a pendulum, which was the reason many of my book group were unable to get into the rhythm of the book; many readers prefer a more linear style. The story is told in the first person, mostly, but the grandfather's life is told from a narrator's point of view - one would assume Chabon. In one review I read criticism of this writing style, suggesting that Chabon was a narcissist; Me, Me, Me. I did not feel that way, and in fact, Chabon says that there is little truth in the novel, although he did get the idea from time spent with his dying grandfather. Don't we all have stories to tell? There is always some truth and some fiction in all of us.

Grandfather began a rough and tumble existence in his early zest for life and living. He was adventurous and was exposed to a less gentile lifestyle; authority, to him truly did not matter. Ultimately he ends up in the military and as he matures and learns more of the world he discovers weaknesses in the way things are run. This causes him advancement in his military career (jail or being trained for espionage/covert actions), and really stays with him throughout his life. The back and forth movement of the story shows the progression of his life and how his family came to be, how he lived before, during the war, and after, ending up with him as an old man living in Florida in a retirement park. Just before his final diagnosis of a fatal disease he meets a woman and has one final adventure.

There are other stories entwined; that of the Grandmother, the Mother and the narrator himself. Deep in Nazi Germany during the late days of the war, Grandfather also meets a cast of interesting characters trying to survive the war, including an old priest who's interests are similar to Grandfather; that of space, rockets, and the moon. Grandfather is seeking Wernher Magnus Maximilian Freiherr von Braun; the creator of the V2 rocket. The idea was to capture von Braun or his papers in order to obtain the technology before the Russians captured him and had the same opportunity. Neither the Russians or Grandfather capture von Braun - he very wisely, in real life and in this book, turned himself in to the Americans right after Hitler dies. There are a lot of truth and facts scattered throughout the entire story, making it a plausible story of fantastical fictionalized historical fiction.

I enjoyed the book. It was confusing at first, the pendulum motion of back and forth, but I found it an enjoyable read, especially learning a little bit more about the historical side of space travel. Some of my book group members felt that the characters of the mother and the grandmother were not fleshed out enough, but honestly, the story was more of Grandfather and he was a likable, interesting character.

Book review - Nina George's The Book of Dreams

This book captivated me right from the beginning. It is a tough subject; what happens to us when we die; is there life after death, is there an alternative reality, or parallel worlds that happen along side the one we live in? Subjects that have always grabbed my attention and made me think hard about how little we know of truth and reality.

Henri is a war correspondent. His 13 year-old son Sam is a synesthete and has an IQ of 144. Sam sent Henry a note and asked to meet him for an event at his school. On the way there, Henri performs a heroic deed but is struck by a passing car, casting him into a coma. At Henri's bedside, Sam meets Eddie, who was named as healthcare surrogate in Henri's living will. Eddie is the love of Henri's life, but is also the woman that terrified him into rejecting her. Throughout Henri's coma he lives and relives different points in his life when he could have made different choices; some in which he and Sam's mother stayed together and he never met Eddie, some in which he died repeatedly in a variety of ways and scenarios. Through it all, Sam can sense his father's presence, although the prognosis from doctors is grim.

There are so many beautiful phrases that I highlighted in this book to remember for future reference - thoughts on life, on death, on love, and the reality of what it means to truly love someone. This book really kept me captivated throughout the whole story. I couldn't wait to finish it, and yet I never wanted it to end. The ending did surprise me, and yet I think it truly suited the tone the author set. What a heartbreakingly beautiful look at life, death, and all the possibilities in between. Thank you, Net Galley, for the chance to read such a captivating story in advance.

Book Review - The Honey Bus: A Memoir of Loss, Courage and a Girl Saved by Bees

Meredith May's memoir of growing up in Big Sur is the story of heart-break and resilience. She and her younger brother are relocated to California from the east coast at a very young age. The home they lived in, to her five-year-old mind, was happy and full of love until suddenly it wasn't and she no longer can spend time with her beloved father.

Meredith's mother falls into a deep depression and cannot care for herself, let alone her children, so relies on her mother and step-father to provide for their needs. Granny is distant; more worried about her own daughter than the loving care of two small children, but she provides their material needs. Grampa has a fascinating hobby - he is a beekeeper. As Meredith grows up she learns about bees and hives, and how they thrive in a supportive family environment where everyone works together.

This story is captivating and is based on Meredith May's own story of growing up with an unstable, non-nurturing mother, a distant grandmother, and a loving, caring bee-keeping grandfather. The in-depth knowledge of bees and their colonies worked so well alongside the story of a tough childhood soothed by bees, honey and the California coastal region of Big Sur.

#TheHoneyBusAmemoirOfLossCourageAndAgirlSavedByBees #NetGalley 

Me.

I have not been taking my quiet time in the morning. I have always tried to allow myself a few minutes to jot some thoughts, or just take a few deep breaths to set the pace of the day. I got really good at it, and then last week I started deviating from all that. I just haven't been able to make it work the last week or so. Yesterday it was fully in my plans, but a student got dropped off far too early by a parent. For safety, we brought her inside, and she ended up trailing me around as I did my morning tasks. Her safety was a priority over my quiet moments.

This morning I had 20 minutes left before my official starting time; 20 minutes after I completed all my little odd morning routine tasks. There is so much on my mind today; a sense of determination somehow. To not be steered away by little things that don't ultimately matter in the grand scheme of my life. The things that make me ME are not any leader's idea of who I am and what I should be doing; of how I lack. It is not the ignorant, sad, angry little child's view of the world expressed out loud and intended to wound . The Me that counts is the one who cares deeply; who strives to do good and right at every opportunity. The Me who puts heart and soul into all I do. This is the Me that counts, and this is the person I will continually strive to be.

The Me that wants to be recognized is the one who loves deeply. Who writes poetry and beautiful words. The artist who communicates with paint. The one who loves to walk in quiet woods. The one who adores sitting beside a bubbling brook and listening to the voices talking inside the water. The Me who loves snowfall, and walks mountain paths, explores the landscapes; who unearths rocks and considers them treasures from God. The Me who relishes mountain views, and who gets lost in the rhythm of waves lapping gently on a beach, or who feels intensely the waves that crash and boom on boulders. That is the Me who counts; the one I want to strive to continue being. What I go through each day on my job is just a small portion of my life; each day brings me a day closer to doing and enjoying the things I love to do; the things that are inside of Me and make me happily who I am.

It's not sunshine and rainbows today

I was called a racist today. By a fourth-grade child. The sentiment was echoed by a few others in his class; all fourth-grade boys. These are the same children who, two weeks ago accused me of pushing them. They ignored my request to turn off the computer game they snuck into instead of the eBooks they were supposed to have been reading. One was reaching over his friend to touch the keyboard, after the class was directed to sign off and line up to go. I reached over him to click the mouse to turn off the program, and he accused me repeatedly and loudly of pushing him, as he pushed my arm away from the mouse. Today these same boys called me a racist for reading a book out loud to them called Freedom Summer by Deborah Wiles. This is a beautiful, sad, sweet story of two best friends; a white boy and a black boy. The setting is the south during the civil rights movement, and John Henry’s mom works for Joe’s mom as cook and housekeeper. The boys help with chores, play marbles, swim in the creek because John Henry is not allowed in the city pool. One day the law changes and a bitter act by town folk causes emotional pain to John Henry and his family.

Today’s lesson was about the book, and the main idea of the story, but it was also to teach the students about a new reading quiz program we are invoking at my school. The read-aloud was to show them how to take a quiz. The disruptions from these boys were underhanded and mean, and it affected the entire class. Of all the classes I have shared this story and reading program with this class learned the least, sadly. It was too chaotic and too hostile of an environment for anyone to learn. And sadly? Their teacher was in the room because I asked her to be there after the last incident. She was unable to control their anger and disruptions. What a terrible climate for the other students.

In my heart of hearts, I believe I am not racist. I work in a high poverty, high needs, failing school. I cannot be a racist and love the children as I do; I do not stay because I prefer one skin color over another. I could work in a school that is easier; where I could be more of a librarian. The thought of leaving my school makes me feel like crying, because I recognize that children, no matter the income of their parents, their skin color, their religion; all of them need love, stability, kindness; support, and patience. I am there putting the needs of the children before myself or my ego. Days like today, however, stretch my patience and my kindness. They make me question if I am doing any good; maybe someone else would be better suited for this job. Are we as a society truly doing any good to these children? So many DO want to learn, do not want to be disruptive or mean, but they are sadly getting lost in the squeaky wheel needing the grease. Their continual good nature, good deeds are not being rewarded or recognized, and this is sad. It hurts my heart for the children that do want to learn.

This school year is the hardest I have ever been through. Our school grade is an F. We have new administration, and everything that has ever been done or accomplished was dismantled and thrown out the window – new year, new administration, new regime. I have spoke of this before. I honestly cannot count the teachers who have left this year; I would have to give this serious thought. One kindergarten teacher worked one day and left. This is the same class who had their teacher leave the first week of school; they are currently on their 5th teacher or long-term sub. Kindergarten; so sad. We had a first-grade teacher leave; the position was filled after another teacher left, and this new teacher worked one day and quit. I believe 11 teachers have walked away from our school this year, in addition to many vacancies never filled. Each classroom has behavior issues, even those with veteran teachers and teachers who were former principles and district level personnel. The kids walk out of the room, curse, punch, hit, kick, bite, run, climb trees, scream obscenities, throw desks and chairs, topple tables, pull things off the wall, rip things up – including more library books than I can even keep track of. There are things I won’t even write about here because they are so disturbing, but children that are in first grade through fifth should not know how to say or do those things. Teachers are supposed to teach, but I cannot see how it is possible to teach or to learn in such an environment. It breaks my heart, quite honestly.

The school district talks of incentives to attract teachers to these types of schools. They talk of extra pay, of hiring the best. Great teachers have left our school this year. It is not about the money, it is about the level of support for behaviors that are out of control. Adults being treated as we are treated by children, and a lack of support from administration are wrong. Classroom teachers who have always been able to handle their own classrooms are being given students that have been terribly disruptive in other classrooms, and they are told not to call for help. This is wrong. Behaviors are being ignored that should never be ignored; they should be addressed, not pushed under the rug. The teacher’s evaluations are suffering because it is being said they need improvement on classroom management.

Many people of the district level volunteered to work in our school; it has worked to get some extra support; a new program for kids reading that the kids will mostly appreciate. New interactive technology for next year. Loaned extra laptops from another district division. These are great, and they are intended to help the kids learn. But the kids are going to continue to not excel because behavior management is being ignored, and it is affecting everyone from administrators, teachers, cafeteria staff, cleaning crews, support staff – teachers’ evaluations and student test scores. All of the technology and reading programs are not going to work until the behaviors are managed and students have a comfortable environment to learn from.

I don’t know any of the answers. I can see the problems, but I am not the person to solve them, and I would not know where to begin. I know that what is being done is not working. I know that days like today leave me exhausted and disheartened and totally inefficient. I don’t need anyone to reassure me that I am a great librarian. I am. I don’t even need to be told I am not a racist. I am not. I am, however, wanting someone to look this problem in the face and fix it. Who that is or what the solution looks like, I have no idea. I do know that sunshine and rainbows it is not.

Humanimal: How Homo sapiens Became Nature’s Most Paradoxical Creature―A New Evolutionary History: Book Review

What an intriguing look at the fine lines that separate humans from animals, and yet really, there is not a lot of distinction genetically. The descriptions of DNA and genetic codes were easy enough to follow, and yet at the end I found myself not really close to understanding the brilliance of science and nature. I believe the point of the book was to inform readers that despite the marvelous advances in scientific research, DNA coding, continual theory, speculation, and scientific experimentation, we are still a long way from discovering the "missing link" that made us evolve as we did, and continue to do so. It is as if the more we know, the less we know despite our best efforts to figure out the complete truth of why we are here and how we are as we are.

I found the sections on sexual habits and evolution a little disturbing, and yet I know that was not the intention. They were matter-of-fact observations told in clear words, and they were not offensive, and yet it brings home the point that, really, acceptable behavior boils down to our thinking and mental process. It ties into specific current society as to what is considered acceptable and what is not, and it is also varied from country to country.  I loved reading about the mystery of the evolution of language, and although I have studied a little of the history of cave paintings and Venus sculptures, this was a fresh look and more in-depth with knowledge that dates back to far beyond what I have learned in the past. I particularly like the fact that at the end the author states that he did his own research based on the work of other scientists and their works. It's really a compilation of pared down research done by others,. He does give credit where credit is due.

This is a fascinating look at evolution. It is not a book that most people, in general, will pick up and read; it is not a light, easy, get-lost-in-the-story kind of book, and I am uncertain as to a true audience that will appreciate it. I did appreciate in the end, although I also found some of the science throughout a bit over my head. I am glad for a chance to read and review it. It is not a genre or a book I would generally pick up and read from cover-to-cover, but I did in this instance and I am glad that I did.

Finding Dorothy - Book Review

Such an interesting read - historical fiction about the story of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and the life of L. Frank Baum. I loved the entire story; how the beloved Oz series came to be written, who the character of Dorothy was based on, the fight for women's freedoms, alongside Maud's intention to be sure the movie stayed true to her husband's vision. It is a work of fiction based on historical events, and the author states which parts she took liberties with at the end. I found this to be an entirely delightful story. The vocabulary intrigued me, as well. The story is full of old-fashioned turn-of-the-century Victorian phrases which give the storyline an even more authentic feel.

The story opens with Maud (Gage) Baum trying to speak with Louis B. Mayer about the casting of the role of Dorothy Gale in MGMs 1939 movie based on the The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Maude is 77 and not afraid to voice her opinion; she promised Frank before his death in 1919 that she would keep Oz true to the story. It travels back and forth from 1939 as the movie is being made throughout Maud's life, beginning when she was just 9 years old. Maud's mother was a famous suffragist who marched alongside her dear friend Susan B. Anthony, and Maud was raised to believe that she could do anything she set her mind to. Her life and marriage to Frank was long and happy, but they did experience ups and downs in their lives. Frank's occupation did not always provide a stable income, but the family made due.

Maud Gage was born to a comfortable existence in upstate New York, and she attended Cornell University just a few years after women were allowed to attend. As a native New Yorker myself, I loved reading about the places Frank, Maud, and their families lived; Fayetteville, Syracuse, Chittenango, Mattydale, Ithaca. It made the story hit a little closer to home, somehow.