Perspective

I think travel and getting away from home is a wonderful experience. I love my summers off, and the ability that I have had to travel over the last few summers tells me how blessed I really am. It’s wonderful to have new experiences, even if you see some of the same places you have in the past. The days are all different; minds are different, sights look different; it’s all great to experience; same thing different day, different mindset. This summer for some reason my travel plans became a chore, rather than something to enjoy. I have not had much time to think of it before this moment, but I think the end of the school year just got too frantic, too much to do before I left and limited time in which to accomplish my tasks. But I am away now, and my perspective is changing.

These are the first moments that I have had to myself with time to clear my head and stop thinking about my sister and the drama in her life right now. She cannot help it, it just is life, but it is also not a part of my own life; I am just on the fringes. My heart hurtst for her. She has been in a sad place for a long time. She has a lovely husband, lovely children. She loves her job now, although she has not always in the past. She made choices that have made her life’s path not the easiest, but who of us does have an easy time of it, really? She’s had a best friend for many years now; as long as they have lived here in this house. Over the years she and her friend spent so much quality time together; they nurtured each other, but they also nurtured their own fears; it is the course of friendship; we seek familiar and we seek validation. They basically both feed from the same dish of life. They have long marriages, children the same age. Their husbands are both very old school; both demanding, yet both loving in their ways. Wives do the cooking, cleaning, kid care and so on. So they commiserated their sorrows and consoled each other that they were married to less than perfect men. So they were. It’s a slippery slope, that kind of commiseration. It is easy to see negatives and fears; sorrows, when someone feeds it back to you, and harder to see the glowing side of life. Like attracts like. They have had such a good friendship. They have been there for each other through thick and through thin. And now it does not really matter, because Kayse is terminally ill. She was diagnosed a month ago with pancreatic cancer. Just this week it has been determined that the possible months left in her life are more probably weeks. I feel terrible for all of them. I have been so glad Kayse was here for DeLaine through the years of their friendship. I am terribly sad for Kayse and for her family. It’s never easy and it’s never fair – and yes, I know. No one ever said life was fair.

I find myself looking around my sister’s home, and I am perfectly at home and comfortable here. It’s a small house, and it is crowded and dim. Her things are her.She is so beautifully crafty and eclectic. Lots of movies and books, lots of little things around that have made her smile so she left them where she could see them. On the other more difficult side I see procrastination; a trait in all of my family, I think. It is in home repairs, car repairs, her paying bills. Fixing a broken toilet, a broken window screen. But more. It is the piles of things she has all over. She is not a hoarder, but it is a small house, so it appears worse than it really is. I am not saying this to judge, but I am judging myself for those traits in myself. Stepping away from my own home, my own piles of things I can see them more clearly for what they are; a bit of a noose around the neck weighing life down. It encourages me even more, when I get home, to do more cleaning, more weeding, more minimalizing.

Which brings me back to perspective. It often takes getting away and exploring one’s own mind in order to shift perspective. When things are too close at hand we often observe through clouded vision. Stepping outside of our own world can sometimes be the catalyst we need for motivation to change our lives; to rid ourselves of traits or material things that have been weighing us down.

The minimalist movement is one I am a little skeptical of. I do agree, throwing away things here and there is a freeing thing to do. We do buy too much stuff. Continually. Marketing and advertising constantly change tactics to make us more insecure, more unsure of what it will take to make us happy. It is a gym membership, a yoga class, a new car, a new home. Need to paint? Replace cabinets? How about those mattresses that are so very expensive yet have only an eight-year life? Toss it; buy a new one. Fill up our landfills with more stuff because you have to replace your things so often in effort to keep up with the Joneses and all they have. There is too much stigma on newer, better, faster, smaller; new and improved! But I don’t want to toss out that antique furniture. I don’t want to have just one set of sheets. And my ratty underwear; any excess of clothes I never wear? Well who am I trying to impress, and I am certainly no different than any other person in our capitalistic society.

I started out writing words about perspective. It is about how changing scenery can change one’s life. I believe this from the bottom of my heart. I am content in the moments I am in right now. Here with my sister, while I am thinking about perspective. Thinking about the loss heading her way. I am happy to be here with her now; I miss her and I love her so much. I am quite content, also, to be facing a new adventure next week to familiar places. I have been to Black Lake – so many summer spent there as a child, and my happy place to visit as an adult. Traveling through New York as a tourist, on up to Maine to spend time there again. The beauty was majestic and I am looking forward to a new angle of looking at all that rugged coastline.

I am content with who I am. I am content with my life, even if my job is hard. I am content with summer travels wherever it is the wind takes me. I am content, in this moment, to be in the here and in the now.