Retreat

For the past few days I have forgone my writing practice. I have supplemented with some older writings, older blog posts in order to focus on living in the moment. I arrived home tonight after four days gone; three nights away. I went to my first ever spiritual retreat. I got home today about 4:30 completely exhausted. I unpacked, fell onto my bed and woke a little while ago for a drink of water and to write, ready to pick up my practice where I left off.

A retreat is an interesting experience. I am not going to write in great detail about each moment, but I do want to describe the experience. It is one time that I am choosing to not be specific in each detail of my life. It is not all my story to tell; each person in my new tribe bared their souls and it created an incredible bond. It makes me think of the book The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. The Red Tent is the story of the wives of women from the Bible. About how they were required by faith, by custom, by law to obey - to serve the men in their lives. Because these first, second, third wives and their female offspring lived so closely together there were many months in their lives when their menstruation cycles flowed at the same time, and the women were all banished to the red tent to live in quiet, away from their men to avoid contamination and in order that the curse of womanhood did not taint their men's lives, virility, and masculinity. In these red tents, the women bonded. They became a tribe onto themselves. They could relax, let their hair down, they did not have to serve each need of the males in their lives, and could focus on themselves, share thoughts, ideas, laughter, tears for their plights, and so much more. They lived for those days of isolation, and they often were the highlight of women's lives during those years. It is something I cannot imagine. We strive for equality now in all we do; we command respect on the job, free from sexual misconduct, favors, lewd comments, or even just a pat on the backside. Women of Biblical times, and farther forward into more recent days had no rights, no voice, no recourse except to do the bidding of their men. For a woman born during the sexual revolution and who has known nothing but the life of women in today's world this is so hard to understand or comprehend; it is still not always perfect, but, my life and my freedoms are so much better than those who lived before me, and they belong to me.

Being a part of a tribe of women is a very powerful thing. We lived in harmony all weekend. From listening to tales of others who have gone to many retreats over their lifetimes this is not always the case. We did though. We shared three bathrooms - there were 13 women, and one male. We rotated jobs, doing dishes, vacuuming, cleaning up the house in general, taking out the trash. Each pitched in. One person, in particular created healthy, nutritious meals that were gluten free, vegetable heavy. Amazingly flavorful with simple ingredients - garlic, ginger, turmeric; Himalayan sea salt. Olive oil, raw, unfiltered vinegar. Amazing flavors and textures layered with quinoa, oats soaked in almond or coconut milk. an incredible array of healthy, fulfilling meals. Very little meat, but there was small portions; there were also plenty of other proteins for those who are vegan or vegetarian.

Feeding the soul involves feeding our bodies with healthy, wonderful food, but it also means exploring thoughts, actions, emotions, especially those hidden deep within us and those hardest to talk about and share. There was meditation. I am relatively new to meditation, although I have been working to practice it for several years. I have discovered my own techniques really do work, and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. There was circle time - each person given a voice to share and feeling the support of all of the others in the circle. We lived in the elements - we walked on the earth, breathing in the fresh, warm humid air, redolent with lovely breezes blowing in the tree tops. We had ritual fires of flame less candles indoors (the house we were in is an older Victorian built in the Alachua forest; candles inside were not a wise idea); a fire pit outside. We had an incredible experience in the pool discovering the buoyancy of the water and being supported by the element of water, but also the support of our partners, too. There was quiet time to journal, to explore, to bare ourselves to paper, privately. We bonded, shared, laughed, cried, ate, slept, walked. We survived together, depending on each other, and we created our own red tent of sorts, and it was a beautiful experience.

Saturday morning we went to the Temple of the Universe, and listened to chanting. This is done every morning and also at various times during the week. The temple is beautiful, owned by Michael Singer, a spiritualist and writer. It was quite an intriguing experience. Sunday we went a little later and listened to a talk by Mickey, as he is called by his own community members. He spoke of who it is we are, what it is that makes us ourselves. He said basically in order to live right lives we have to relax and release. That which has been done to us cannot be changed; we are who we are despite or in spite of all that has transpired. He says that we are not our experiences. We are our right-now's. That everything that happens does not happen to us. Kind of what Viktor Frankle says in Man's Search for Meaning. What is done to us cannot break us; all of our basic rights can be taken, we can be ridiculed, chained, beaten; oppressed. But we choose our own outlook, regardless of the continual browbeating or even physical beating. No one can ever take away our freedom to choose how to feel. Mickey says that nothing is external; everything that takes place takes place within. This is super existential and what a freeing thought. We are only alive inside our own minds; each thought and action; it is all inside of us. Without our minds we would not exist in this world. That is just huge.

This weekend was a wonderful, fascinating, incredible experience. I am not ready to go back to another tomorrow, or even next month, but when another rolls around I would love to experience a similar event again. Tonight I am very tired, yet fulfilled and non-emotional. I feel relaxed and refreshed, not truly drained, just in that place where I do not have to think or act; I just have to be.