Comfort and Joy

Each day dawns differently. I've heard people use the phrase "nothing ever changes" and that people are bored with the sameness of their lives day in and day out. I am not one to find this to be true. Each morning I wake in my house and it is never the same morning, although I am surrounded by the familiarity of my own house, my own things, the comfort of "here". Sometimes it is hard to fathom that I have lived here in this house for over twenty years. I could barely wait for it to be built. I remember mornings in my old house and just imagining living in my own place, built from the ground up, not surrounded by someone else's vision of a house, and not surrounded by the squalor that was my old house. Yes, I had it fixed up sweetly, and yes, we made a home, and we were happy together, but down inside it was not mine and I did not want it to be so. It scared me after we had begun living here and watching the old house as it was torn down. It scared me the obvious nature of the frailty of that old wood - second hand, torn down from old houses in town before it was repurposed into the house my father-in-law built with his own two hands.

But here, now, looking back to then, I know each day dawn's differently. I'm different each morning. My eyes see differently, my dreams in the night were different; I wake differently. The sunrise this morning dawns differently. This morning the air, while not hot, is not quite cool either. Winter mornings are fresh and sweet; this morning the air is heavy and damp, but not unbearable. It lacks the freshness of many winter and spring mornings. The heaviness indicates rain is coming, and it is in the forecast over the next three days. The clouds are low and full of moisture, yet the sunrise peeks hopefully through the bottom of the cloud cover, it's faint pinkness light in the rising of the sun and the morning glow filling the sky. It's not a magnificent sunrise, and yet it is majestic in it's own way, as each sunrise is in it's uniqueness. But the sun still rises each day whether we see it or acknowledge it or not. Off in the distance I can hear traffic sounds, but not harsh or loud as it can be in air that is clear, less dense, and more cool. The heaviness absorbs the distant sounds. Even the birdsong seems distant, not close by, although it is still as sweet as ever. It's all the same, but different. It is a new day full of new choices, chances, moods, actions. A new day to begin again, and that is the best part of the familiar, different sunrise each day. Today the waiting rain, the low clouds, the quiet birdsong - it all feels like anticipation to me; that the world is waiting and we wait with it for whatever the day will bring.

I woke early, as is normal for me, despite the fact it is Saturday and my plans are a minimum today. It is my father's birthday, and he is here for a visit, and I am so looking forward to spending the day with him. I was hoping to sleep a little later, yet I am still secretly pleased to be awake so early. Mornings are my best time, and mornings at home are even a better-best time for me. So, I woke at 6 am, tried to fight it, but ended up coming out into the kitchen and watching the morning as I made coffee and decided to write early today. I cleaned up a kitty mess of over turned flowers (brought home from Teacher Appreciation Week) and the vase of water. I stepped out on the porch to get a feel for the day. These are things I do routinely, although not always daily. They are familiar routines, and never quite the same; they are never done with the same purpose or pattern. My routines are similar and familiar, but not filled with any sense of sameness. Each day my mood differs, depending on my dreams in the night or my plans for the day. Sameness and routine are a comfort for me, though. My life is often filled with so much activity, these comfortable routines are a blessing. Our world is filled with others need to change. We are filled with a sense that change is progress and progress is good and necessary. We are charged to change or become obsolete, out-of-date, or we fall from value and relevancy. Lack of change is considered in modern society to be lack of motivation, lack of living a meaningful life, and God forbid, boring. Staying the same is not what is valued. To me the answer is to say no. So much of life outside our own comfort and daily world changes too frequently and quickly. I love routine and sameness. I can give myself what I love; quiet time for reflection, recharge, and the gift to do what my heart wants; time to read, write, and the time for my own thoughts to fill my soul back up. I love my quiet mornings and I don't want to change up the idea of them. Each is unique to me in it's own way on it's own day, and familiarity is a comfort to me. I am not opposed to progress, but, as the Lorax says in the short film for kids - sometimes I think progress progresses to fast. Today I will stick with my familiar-but-different routines, and I will appreciate the beauty in the sunrise, the comfort and sweetness of my own home, my back porch, my kitties and the ability to spend time in the comfort and familiarity of being with my father.