Sleepless in Seattle and Phil Collins

I catch a glimpse of the night sky; trees silhouetted against the darkness, clouds sliding in and out of sight; starlight winking through now and then. Clothes tumbling in the dryer, the warm sweet smell of their freshness filling the air. In the living room the movie Sleepless in Seattle is on – Meg Ryan is sitting on the bench outside her Baltimore apartment building, Tom Hanks is sitting on the bench of the porch of his houseboat in Seattle; each longing across the miles, in the quiet of the night for something yet unknown; yet unnamed or recognized. I love the timelessness, the simplicity of this movie. 1993 – Tom Hanks doesn’t think he can allow a woman to pay for her own dinner; times have changed so much since he last dated in 1978. Before cell phones, before reality television; before bad behavior became the norm and celebrity was still relatively classy. It was based on the movie An Affair to Remember with Carey Grant and Deborah Kerr – and that movie was based on 1930s Love Affair, another old movie with the same theme and main character; totally classy, totally romantic; ultimate in chick flicks. Like Meg Ryan and Rosie O’Donnell said - Men just don’t get it.

When I was in college I remember the first time I heard the song In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. My memory is kind of like a classic movie scene – maybe over the years I have built it into more than it was, but the clarity of the memory is so crisp, and it never falters and it never changes, through all the years past, so I really think I remember it well. The song came on with its haunting drum and guitar intro, and I remember thinking wow, what a great beat; how dramatic; it instantly became my favorite song. I was standing in this dorm room on the third floor of Stuart Hall, Morrisville College, Morrisville New York. My friends and I were at a room party held by someone – I cannot recall now who it was; someone we had partied with in the past; there was always a party to attend somewhere. I remember standing in front of the window looking out at the darkness. This window faced southwest, and back then the “new” dorms were at the back of the campus, with not much beyond but cornfields. There were lights on, all around Helyar Pond and the paths that led to West and Helyar dorms were lit up, but I remember the darkness, and I remember seeing my own reflection as I looked out the window listening to that song for the first time – January 1981. It was before I met Michael; before he and I were together, and then not, and it was before I left New York for the summer and met Steve. I remember listening to that song thinking somewhere out there someone was waiting for me – someone who would be the one to change my life; I could feel it coming toward me in the night. It was one of the most profound moments of my life, and it has stayed with me all these years later. Through a long, lovely marriage, through the terrible heartbreak and loss of that marriage, through searching for and finding myself again. Often when I look out the window at the night, flashes of those few moments so long ago come back into my mind. I’ve always felt that the night is so full of possibilities. When I see that scene from Sleepless in Seattle; where Meg and Tom are longing  for something unnamed, I think of myself looking out that third floor window longing for something of my own in the night. I have not had that feeling since then, but I know that the possibilities of the night are truly real.