Dancing in heaven

Dancing in Heaven

I walked outside just now,
   greeted by a symphony of frog song and crickets
   --the chorus singing with all their might.
A brown rabbit, tiny and bright-eyed
   startled by my presence,
   hopped a few feet, froze in place.
Dragonflies danced over the dewey grass,
   and bats ventured out into the
   not yet darkened sky
   --flitting, diving, swooping
   adding their own steps to
   the choreography of the evening.
Golden pink clouds, purple at the bottom
   hang high in the sky,
   not ready to give up their
   moment of glory
   as the blanket of night slowly settles.
And I felt tears rise in my eyes;
it's too beautiful of an evening
for you to be gone.
Do the dragonflies dance
for you in heaven?

     

Book Review - Lily by Sandra Smith

This is dystopian series written for children. In dystopian novels the future has arrived in chilling details, and this second book in the seed saver series is no exception.

Lily's friends Claire and Dante have left town, after their mother was arrested for keeping illegal seeds and plants. Lily moves around town discretely watching and tending the seeds she has sown. Rose becomes a presence in her life, and Lily's feelings of Rose vary between hesitant and trusting. Lily's mother quietly watches in the background, and Lily does not feel she can trust her with the enormity of the secrets she holds inside; of Clare and Dante, their friendship with Ana and the truth about her part in growing plants illegally. We learn more about the Seed Saver's underground society and how a dark cloud of GRIM that stands over their community.

Set in the not-so-distant future, Seed Savers is a series of books for children that explores the possibility of what we, as a society face, as large corporations control more and more of our food supply and the use of GMO products. As a children's librarian, I can see the value of this interesting and relative topic. If a child picks up one of these books and says, hey, I understand this concept, that is one step closer to knowledge that can help these events from becoming more widespread in the future.

Book Review - Shot Through the Hearth by Kate Carlisle

Shannon Hale is back in action with one of the largest jobs she's had to date. Newly local Rafe (Raphael Nash, retired Tech billionaire and fiances to Shannon's friend Marigold) has asked Shannon and her crew to restore the Victorian house he recently acquired as a home for he and Marigold. In addition to the restoration, Rafe has asked that a new barn be built, the old barn repaired, land be cleared and a new eco-greenhouse be built in time for a survival conference he plans to host the next year. Shannon agrees and restoration and construction go as planned, without incident. Until the actual conference, when during the barn raising, a dead body is discovered under the framing of one of the barn sides.

Dead bodies find Shannon, and this Fixer-Upper mystery number 7 is no exception. Shannon, along with her friends and boyfriend, Mac, become entrenched in solving this who-dunnit. Shannon's character is tough and feisty; she's a woman who owns and runs her own construction business, so there is much to be admired. Just light enough, just mysterious enough, these cozy mysteries are fun and light-hearted enough to not be taken too seriously, yet keep the reader coming back for more. This is a fun way to while away a rainy afternoon, or would work well as a beach read. I was glad for the chance to read this in advance of publication.

Book Review - The Book Charmer by Karen Hawkins

This book left a good taste in my mouth. The tone was a bit like Sarah Addison Allen's magical/fantasy realism, and this genre captivates me.

Sarah Dove, the town librarian, has a special bond with the books in her care; they speak to her, and have since she was a child. Sarah and her sisters were born with special gifts, and although five of her sisters have left town to live elsewhere, Sarah and her sister Ava have stayed. This is the story of a small, sleepy southern town on the verge of losing it's solvency. Along comes Grace Wheeler, her young niece and elderly adopted mother, Mama G, in tow. Grace is willing to settle temporarily in Mama G's hometown to give her special mother a secure setting for advancing Alzheimer health problems, but she has no intention of staying. The books speak to Sarah that Grace is the answer to the town's problems, so Sarah is determined to befriend Grace and entice her to stay.

The Book Charmer is a book about what family and friendships are, and how things are not always as they appear on the surface.  It is also about living in a  tight knit community and how sometimes it is a curse, but more often, it is a blessing. I am pleased to have been given an opportunity to read this book in advance, this book did not disappoint. Sometimes what we need in life to help us is the exact opposite of what we imagined it would be.

Strength

As a single woman I somehow have instilled in myself the belief that I have to “go it” alone, and to ask for help is a sign of weakness; a weakness I will not allow in myself. It’s ok for others to ask for and receive help, but as for me; I think I have to be Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name and Wonder Woman all wrapped in one feminine package.

I wasn’t always that way. I fell in love with my husband at 18, and I was in an equal partnership for over 20 years. It was ok to lean on him, and he on me, and together we were one, and a pillar of strength; until we weren’t anymore. Being struck down, weakened by shock and the sudden, unforeseen loss of our life together; of facing the truth that I was not as strong or dependently independent anymore; that took a huge toll. I remember the exact moment of consciously deciding that I had two choices; to sit on the couch and cry for the rest of my life, or to get up and get moving; to take some action. I chose action. That does not mean I did not cry – I did, mostly in private, with a few select friends for a long, long time. But I began, in those moments to craft my persona of strength, and I learned to walk my walk. Day after day I shed some tears but swallowed a few more of them. My spine straightened, I moved forward, carving a new life, creating new happiness, and eventually that new life far out measured the old. Now and then I feel twinges of the loss. There are moments when fleeting thoughts cross my mind; I miss you. I miss our life. I miss the Us we were. I miss your laughter, your voice; your touch. But it lasts just a moment and I feel gratitude for what that loss brought to me; a newer, more vibrant life. Alone. Strong.

The strength of my own two legs.

And that strength that I learned to curate became part of the definition of me. That strength means financial responsibility.  Finances have been a huge struggle and continue to be such. I’ve been proud to say that I’ve never missed or been late on a mortgage payment – for a house we built together and was built with his salary in mind (at the time, five times the amount I made) and not mine. I’ve been proud to purchase and pay for my own cars over the years, establish my own good standing credit score earned all on my own. I still do not make anywhere close to what he made when we built our house, but I have worked hard to earn every penny I make, and those pennies have all gone into the house I was “given” (he signed his half of the just built house over to me, along with the mortgage and all of the bills we had consolidated into the mortgage – so it was a “gift” with a price – along with the brand new car he “gave” me, which I paid for). My neighbor once commented that I was a lucky woman; I had been given a house and new car, and I should be so grateful and so happy at my husband’s kindness in taking care of me; proof that he loved me. I came unglued and I set my neighbor straight that day; he apologized and said that was not what he had been told. From that day on he treated me with kindness and respect; which was a good outcome.  The price I paid taught me life lessons through pride, strength; chutzpah. I paid, over the years, by saying no to many fun outings with friends because of finances. Conversely, I  have also been blessed with friends who happily, willingly paid my portion at times; it was hard to accept these gifts, but somehow with friends it was easier to accept – and I am eternally grateful for their gifts and for their friendship, and for the experiences given to me.

Where this gained financial strength is a blessing, it is also a curse in some ways. It has made me leery of trusting in my current relationship. A man who wants to pay my way everywhere we go; he is considerate and always kind to me, but I am hesitant, and I know these are my past experiences shadowing my ability to receive gracefully. That knowledge does not make it easier to accept, however. It is so hard for me to say yes; to allow him to buy a plane ticket, pay for my meal, to buy me gifts, even. This is where I become The Man With No Name. My independence and self-sufficiency are vital, and I am fiercely protective of both. He wants to help me care for myself financially, but my strength and pride say no, thank you; it sounds divine and like an easy solution. But it is terrifying, too, and the Clint Eastwood/Wonder Woman side of me say no – I do not want to depend on anyone but myself again; pulling myself up off that couch so long ago took every bit of strength I had at that moment and I don’t want to find myself there again.

This bid to be strong is not entirely a virtue. I’ve read a lot of evidence that our insistence on strength can sometimes cause it to manifest in our body in other ways such as disease or illness. I have long prided myself in my strength, my ability to hold it together despite life’s idiosyncrasies. Yet in December I was given a bit of a wake-up call. I suffered with chest pains that lasted into the night. As the morning dawned it occurred to me that I might be in trouble, so I drove myself to the hospital. It was not my heart, but I was diagnosed with GERD, which is a disease whose prime cause comes from stress. Stress is a reaction to life; we internalize fears and weaknesses and they manifest themselves in turn, weakening the body. It was not easy to seek help in December. Even as I sat in that emergency room, scared, hooked up to monitors, not sure what was happening, I found myself thinking, no; I cannot be sick, I will not allow it. Other people can be sick, but not me – I am stronger than that. I willed my body, my mind, my soul to be better, to not fail me. I was very fortunate that God, my angels – my body listened and rallied for me. Since that scare I have made lifestyle changes including diet, rest, and above all, offloading a few of my fears. Today I am 26 pounds lighter. I have continued my daily meditation practice. I practice gratitude for everything life has given me, both good and bad; for giving me the family I have, the friends, for giving me love and taking it from me, and for letting it find me again. Being strong in life is important. But being the Man With No Name worked out pretty poorly for Clint Eastwood’s character, and it really doesn’t always work for me. It’s ok to let others help now and then. I’ve pretty much proved I’m a badass; it’s time to just be a normal woman living life the best way I can now.

Strength in Nature - Ausable Chasm, NY

Book Review - Love-Lines by Sheri Langer

Fordham's life is rolling along just fine, until her friend and co-worker Margo suddenly leaves town, and Margo's job as editor of an upcoming book is added to Fordham's work load. Fordham lives with her mother and young daughter outside New York City. Suddenly Fordham's life becomes a series of complicated events; a past love reappears, a new principal at her daughter's school, her best friend is about to become a grandmother, and Fordham doubts her own ability to keep pace with all the changes in her life.

This is a quirky read full of humor and references to classic rock songs and romantic comedy movies like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. This is a romantic comedy story that will make readers smile.